just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
where does the pee come out of this thing
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
