sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
