i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
