Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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