lets start a swedish sibling band together
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
