We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
