Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize