I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Randomize
