nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
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