I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
