I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
