How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
