This is not my ceiling
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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