Will you blow on my dice?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
