are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
As shirtless as possible
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
