i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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