Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
