went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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