By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
