can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
