I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
A+ Viking dick
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
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