If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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