I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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