I can text with my tongue
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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