I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
