it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
