I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't turn off my feet"
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Randomize
