on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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