I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
