he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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