My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
