hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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