Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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