i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
