God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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