Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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