That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
