My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Randomize