By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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