Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
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