Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize