its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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