I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
It's official drugs can't kill me
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
he high fived his dick after we had sex
how does that bad decision feel?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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