Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
