i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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