the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
