That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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