I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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