We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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