can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
My hand turned me down
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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