yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
