Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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