I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize