I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
