Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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