I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
