I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
