dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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