Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
