She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
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