I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
