Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I have already put on my inside pants.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
