i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
this hospital has no fireball
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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