Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
