So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm getting married
To pizza
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize