420 ftw
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I stole a fireplace last night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize