Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
