I need help removing her.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Randomize
