Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
