When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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