but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
