you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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