after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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