i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
foreskin is a definite game changer
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
