omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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