So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
